First Episode of Tucker Carlson’s New Twitter Show Drops, Destroys Fox News

Former Fox News anchor Tucker Carlson has just dropped the first episode of his new Twitter show, racking up millions of views in the process.

The show has received so many views that it destroyed the audience numbers that Fox News would see.


In Episode One, Carlcon said:

“Hey it’s Tucker Carlson”

“This morning it looks like somebody blew up the Khakovka dam in southern Ukraine. The rushing wall of water wiped out entire villages, destroyed a critical hydropower plant. And as of tonight puts the largest nuclear reactor in Europe in danger of melting down.”

“So if it was intentional it was not a military tactic it was an act of terrorism. The question is, who did it? Well, let’s see. The Khakovka dam was effectively Russian. It was built by the Russian government and it currently sits in Russian-controlled territory. The dam’s reservoir supplies water to Crimea, which has been for the last two hundred and forty years home of the Russian black sea fleet.”

“Blowing up the dam may be bad for Ukraine, but it hurts Russia more. And for precisely that reason the Ukrainian government has considered destroying it. In December the Washinton Post quoted a Ukrainian general saying his men had fired American-made rockets at the dam’s floodgate as a test strike.”

“So really once the facts start coming in, it becomes much less of a mystery what might have happened to the dam. Any fair person would conclude that the Ukrainians probably blew it up. Just as you would assume they blew up the Nord Stream the Russian natural gas pipeline last fall. And in fact, the Ukrainians did do that, as we now know. It’s not like Vladimir Putin was anxious to wage war on himself.”

“Oh! but that’s where you’re wrong. Mr. and Mrs. cable news consumer. Vladimir Putin is EXACTLY that sort of man. The sort of man who’d shoot himself to death in order to annoy you. We know this from the American media. Which wasted no time this morning in accusing the Russians of sabotaging their own infrastructure.”

“Bill Kristol, the man who once told us that Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9-11, immediately denounced Putin as a war criminal. And even more savagely compared him to Donald Trump. The rest of the pundit class made similar, clearly coordinated noises. ‘Putin did it, Putin did it.’ And their reasoning was simple. Putin is evil, evil people do evil things purely for the dark joy of being evil.”

“In this specific case, Putin attacked himself. Which is the most evil thing you can do. And therefore perfectly in character for a man that evil. That was their explanation.”

“Noone who’s paid to cover these things seemed to entertain even the possibility it could’ve been Ukrainians who did it, no chance of that. Ukraine as you may have heard is led by a man called Zelenskyy.

“We can say for a dead certain fact that he was not involved, he couldn’t have been. Zelenskyy is too decent for terrorism.

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“Now you see him on television you might for a different impression, sweaty and rat-like, a comedian turned oligarch, a persecutor of Christians, a friend of Blackrock.

“But don’t believe your own eyes.

“Actually, Mr. Zelenskyy is a very good man, the best really. As George W. Busch once noted, ‘he is our generation Winston Churchill. Of all the people in the world, our shifty dead-eyed Ukrainian friend in the tracksuit is uniquely incapable of blowing up a dam. He is literally a living saint a man whom in there is no sin.”

“That’s why Lindsey Graham is so attracted to him.

“They’re just two good people, hanging out together and being good.

“And like all good people when they meet in person they spend a lot of time talking about killing people and laughing like friends do.”

Carlson continued on.


By Hunter Fielding
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